Okay, Internet. I’m back again. This is going to be a GPOY, so feel free to skip over it if you don’t want to hear me whining again.
So after I disappeared for forever I came back with a post and mentioned something about homecoming. The story I was writing is my new NaNoWriMo project, and so far, day one, I’ve made my word-count quite easily. Of course soon I’m going to be writing new material instead of revising, which is going to be MUCH slower.
Homecoming was with a guy who is very nice, but also very conservative and Catholic, so that was never going anywhere.
Now, to clarify, Internet, I don’t inherently hate anything conservative and Catholic. I happen to be liberal and atheist, so our ideals were too conflicting for us to be anything other than casual friends, which was kind of my plan from the start.
It’s not his religious and political views that bothered me. There was something… off about him, and at first I couldn’t put my finger on it.
It seemed as if he couldn’t get to know someone unless he was bombarding them with questions. I was okay with this, but it was a struggle to get him to reciprocate. Within a few days, he knew plenty about me and I only had a vague sketch of his character.
I was okay with this. I didn’t used to be a very friendly person, and that ruined plenty of opportunities for me to make friends. I didn’t want to make that mistake again.
Then he started asking me some pretty personal, hard-to-answer questions, mainly about my sexuality. He apologized once, saying “I’ve never met a bisexual before.”
THAT bothered me. He was using one small aspect of my personality to define me. I gently corrected him, but let it slide. After a very short time, he stopped talking to me about that.
Then, suddenly, he started asking me about my religion, or lack thereof. This was pretty understandable. After all, he’s planning to be a priest, so it’s natural he would be curious about the mindset of someone with beliefs so totally opposing his own.
I was what I thought to be very obliging. It got to the point where I was getting rather frustrated with him, though. He was trying to fit me neatly into his little boxes, and I don’t like being boxed. I am not an atheist or a bisexual. I am a person, and atheism and bisexuality are aspects of my personality.
It wasn’t so much the content of his questions. I’m perfectly happy to discuss pretty much any topic, given the atmosphere is open-minded and respectful to all views. His method of asking the questions bothered me, though. It was an inquisition, a methodical study and dissection of me, as if I’m an object.
He seemed to be asking “what MADE you atheist? What MADE you bisexual?” He ignored every other aspect of my personality–my family, friends, pets, writing, reading, piano, sports, injuries.
He neglected the rest of who I am because those aspects didn’t interest him. That was what, in the end, ruined any potential for friendship with this guy. My girlfriend thinks it’s SILLY that I like soccer, because it’s dangerous and involves exercise. That doesn’t mean that once I’m back in sports she won’t come to watch me play. She’ll watch my stupid movies with me and mock me mercilessly for liking them, but she still watches them.
The message I’m trying to impart here is to be decent. Don’t slap labels on people without getting to know them. That’s ALWAYS a deal-breaker for me. If you like someone, but you don’t agree with them on some things, allow for differences. Don’t try to explain them away. Finding some mysterious source to my atheism wasn’t going to change me. Figuring out how bisexuality works wasn’t going to make me like him, which I think to a certain extent he expected.
Another thing. If you are friends with someone who is in a relationship with someone else, DO NOT, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, put them in a situation in which they have to feel guilty about “leading you on” by being friends with you. That is a good way to lose a friend.
So yeah. In the end, I cut off contact with him for various reasons. It was partially because he labelled me. Partially because he tried (whether consciously or unconsciously) to make me feel guilty about being with my girlfriend. Also, he was kind of creepy. I went to a Halloween party with my girlfriend, and he was there. He watched us for pretty much the whole night, which I didn’t notice until she pointed it out. Dragging her other into the mix and making her uncomfortable was the cherry on top of the ‘how to end a friendship’ sundae.
End rant. I’ll try to be less blargh next time, but I really needed to get that off my chest. Until next time, Internet.